Whose Thoughts Are These, Anyway?

I was going to be an actor – I enjoyed taking on other characters and personalities. Taking on often happened literally – over each play’s rehearsal period I would begin manifesting personality traits that weren’t my own – I’d become more aggressive, or timid, or angry, or silly.

Thinking back, I believe it was an outlet for me – it’s much easier to express emotions that I don’t own than the ones I do. It can even be therapeutic Don’t doubt me - try this sometime: go into a sealed room where you feel safe, and scream your lungs out about something that you don’t even care about – when it’s over you’ll feel relieved (one way or another.)
I also have a problem with not wanting to appear stupid. I don’t like not knowing things (including what’s coming next.) I hated improv, but loved the comfort of a script. Life isn’t this neat – I sat on a jury once and was amazed at how sloppy the proceedings seemed versus the way a courtroom drama unfolds – of course, courtroom dramas have WRITERS, and they impose a logic and neatness on life that isn’t always there.
I think these things are part and parcel of why I write. There are voices in my head. Thoughts come unbidden, and often undesired, that have nothing to do with the way I feel about people or things. And yet those thoughts are there. Whole conversations, irrational arguments in favor of any number of actions I consider deplorable – and would really NEVER do – occur on a regular basis.
I wonder if this would make me a candidate for Turret’s syndrome – the version where people blurt out offensive, socially rejected verbage. Whatever checkbox in our programming that tells us DON’T SAY THAT isn’t checked, and so it comes out. Me, I have just enough self-control not to give voice to the voices when I’m around others, but the DON’T THINK THOSE THOUGHTS checkbox is disabled in my mind, and those voices won’t be silenced, and build to a horribly distracting crescendo.
So I write. Or, is it really me?
Just saying….

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William Mangieri’s writing (including his latest ePublication “Mutiny on the Star-Bound”) and the input of the other voices that share his grey matter can be found in many places, such as:

·         His Amazon Author page: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B008O8CBDY

·         Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/william-mangieri?store=book&keyword=william+mangieri

·         Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/NoTimeToThink

·         Createspace: https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=william+mangieri&sitesearch_type=STORE

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