I’m not perfect (like you didn’t know that already) - throughout my life, I’ve done a number of
things wrong – too large a percentage to ignore, in fact. Even if you engage in
the wrong behaviors, you need to do what you can to help promote the right
ones.
Before I go further into this, let me make this perfectly
clear: I am NOT advocating people deliberately going out and doing the wrong
thing. At all times we should be trying to live the right way – do what we know
is right, avoid what we know is wrong – but we are not angels, we are HUMAN
BEINGS, and so we have to deal with the fact that we are all IMPERFECT.
We have to recognize that we are going to fail at times, but
we still need to make the right impression for the sake of society. It is best
if you have actual SUBSTANCE (truth, facts) behind the impression you are
making, but for the sake of whatever relationship you are in (Job, Marriage,
Parenting, Leadership, Politics, Foreign Relations, what have you), you must at
least know how to use the right SYMBOLISM.
This is something that seems to have become lost in our
24-by-7 news cycle, everything out in the open society. No one seems to have an
understanding that
1.
Everything you do can be seen by others.
This is because: lies are impossible to maintain forever (no
matter how expert you think you are or how many people help you do it,
inconsistencies will seep through), and nothing is private (not in public places,
not in your mailbox, not in your trash can, and certainly not on the internet.)
2.
It isn’t uplifting to see humanity’s (and
especially our role-models’) warts – it lowers all spirits rather than
elevating anyone.
Think of the abundance of “reality TV” that’s out there – some
of it is just plain ugly (like the Jerry Springer show on steroids), but even
the ones that try to display us at our best tend to also emphasize the warts.
The subliminal message that’s delivered here is “why should I try to do the best
or right thing when no one else does?”
We get a lot of
negative guidance from political figures (who should REALLY understand the
importance of impressions since it’s a MAJOR PART OF THEIR PROFESSION.) We’ve
had a couple of recent presidents who have promoted doing the wrong thing and
then doubling down by publicly lying about it (and yes, I’m talking about the
last 2 Democrats to hold the office; a Republican doesn’t generally get the
cover from the press or even his own party to be so blatantly dishonest. Heck,
George W. was branded as a liar by people who can’t even be honest about what
the meaning of “lie” is - or of what the
meaning of “is” is, for that matter.) This isn’t discouraged in the least by a
citizenry that more and more thinks “Well, what do you expect? All politicians
lie.”
3.
We are all role models.
That last one probably has a lot of you scratching their
heads. How can I say that, when even “certifiable” role models (celebrities,
sports figures, etc.) complain that they shouldn’t be treated as such? But they
are, no matter how much they protest.
And so are all of us. Whether individually, or cumulatively,
what we decide to proudly publicize of our own failings, what we decide to
label as okay “because everyone does it” makes a difference. Folks: two, or 300
million, or 6 billion people doing the wrong thing doesn’t make it right, and
sticking your head in the sand doesn’t either.
Let’s go back and look at the line I wrote in the 2nd
paragraph, specifically the phrase “let me make this perfectly clear”; for
those of us who experienced Watergate, this phrase has a particular connotation
tied to lying and cheating – in essence, you will get the sense somewhere in
the dark recesses of your mind that you can’t trust the veracity of whatever
this person says next (even if you aren’t old enough to know what Watergate
means, I believe this phrase has seeped into our POP CULTURE enough to hold
that connotation.)
I DELIBERATELY chose this wording to illustrate a point about
making impressions – you need to be aware of how things appear. Our current
president, choosing to illustrate instead, his own tone-deafness, has chosen to
use several variants of this (“let’s be clear”, “I want to be clear”, etc.) so
frequently that it should probably be followed by a ™ mark. If you’re trying to
get people to believe you, this is not the phrase you should use (especially if
you already have an honesty deficit operating against you.)
We all need to be aware of the impressions we are pushing.
What does it tell your kids if you don’t make a point of
impressing them with the difference between right and wrong? How do you expect
them to try if you behave as though it doesn’t really matter? I know we live in
a world where “Do as I say, not as I do” is considered a joke; still, there’s
still value in in at least saying the right things. But you have to go beyond
that – you need to act the role as well.
What does it tell people if you say something is heinous or
unforgivable and won’t be tolerated, but then you don’t do anything serious
about it (or, worse, yet, you show how important it is by continuing your
perpetual vacation)? Do these lines in the sand have any real meaning? Why
would your adversary (or anyone else) treat it as important if you don’t
either? Why would anyone take you seriously.
You can’t write everything in washable paints. They may be
great for your kids to use around the house, but they don’t leave much of an
impression (they’re designed to go away, you know – we use them when we’re
afraid people are going to make mistakes – when we’re afraid to commit.) If you
want to show that you’re serious, act like it. Maybe you should use permanent
markers instead.
Just saying…
<<<>>>
William Mangieri’s writing (including his latest
ePublication: “The Wolves Will Come”) can be found in many places, such as:
